Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Importance of Learning Relationship Skills

In our newsletter we discussed the reason that many couples fail to achieve the quality of life they hoped for when they decided to marry.  We stated that the main reason for this was that sharing two lives intimately and in harmony requires skill, knowledge and inner strengths that most of us haven't developed by the time we're ready to get married.  

We also stated that these skills, knowledge and inner strength cannot really be attained before we enter into a relationship; but because every body is different and unique, the best and only time to really learn the relationship lessons is while you are in a relationship. 

We affirmed that you cannot and will not ever know everything there is to know about marriage and relationships.  Relationship skills take time, effort, discipline, commitment and work to cultivate and refine, therefore, it's an ongoing process.

We discussed how to handle disagreements and what to do when arguments break between spouses.  We encouraged you to wake up from your dozing-off state and to dedicate time and effort to improving your relationship skills, particularly as they concern your spouse, on a daily basis.

Share with us!
What are some of the struggles you've faced in your marriage?  What were some assumptions you had when you first got married, but changed overtime during your married years?  What would you say is the most important relationship skill you have learned since you've been married?

The Issue of Lost Spontaneity - Part II

Continuing with the issue of lost spontaneity in the marriage, we discussed in our newsletter the dangers of ignoring this prominent threat.  We also provided a few ideas to get you started reclaiming spontaneity in your marriage.

We suggested things such as:

  • Exploring a different location together
  • Taking a class together
  • Setting up datenights
  • And others...

We stated that acknowledging that there’s a lack of excitement or spontaneity in your marriage is the first step towards reversing its effect and restoring that excitement.  We mentioned that it may take a little work and practice, but having a happy marriage does not come about easily simply because spouses love each other.  

While love is definitely important in the marriage, it just isn’t enough in and of itself to keep the marriage afloat.  Action is always and constantly required.

You must actively be participating in keeping the marriage alive and exciting.  Maintain communication between you and your spouse open at all times; keep an open mind, and exercise careful consideration of each others feelings. 

We encouraged you to let your imagination and your creativity soar, and to come up with your own ideas to bring spontaneity back into your life.

So how did you do?  Did you put in practice any of the advice we gave you?  Did you come up with your own ideas for bringing spontaneity back in your life?  Share them with us and our community!  Others may benefit from your input and insha-Allah you will be rewarded for it.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Men and Women Are Wired Differently for Sex

Countless professionals have revealed that men and women are wired differently, and that's why we respond differently to various situations; intimacy is not an exception.
Men have emotional needs just like women do; however, generally speaking, men get much of their emotional fulfillment during sex, whereas a woman needs to be emotionally fulfilled before she can long for sexual contact.
It's very possible for a woman to not feel a strong desire for sex unless and until her need for love is satisfied; in other words, she first needs to feel loved by her husband before she hands him the keys to her body.  To her, love is more important than sex; however when she feels loved, her sexual desire increases.  Once she feels emotionally satisfied, her husband can reinforce the connection by his loving and skillful touch, reassuring her that she is loved and important to him.
Of course these are generalizations and there are always exceptions to the rules.  It's possible for a woman not to feel the need for a strong emotional connection before she can desire intimacy with her husband.  Likewise, it is possible for a man to want to feel emotionally close to his wife before he approaches her sexually.
Great sex is important to both men and women, although the prerequisites for great sex vary greatly between men and women, and even among women and among men.  Everyone has his or her own customized sex-wiring, if you will, and neither is wrong or more right than the other.
In order for marital harmony to exist and prevail, both spouses must be willing to learn each other and to do their best to meet their spouse's emotional and sexual needs.
Without proper understanding of the differences in the needs of our spouse we would not be able to make the changes necessary to adjust to our spouse, and sex could then become very routine and mechanical a few years, or even months, after marriage.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Importance of Spontaneity In The Marriage

In our Newsletter we discussed the importance of some level of spontaneity in the marriage in order to keep the marriage from becoming dull.  It's natural for some routine to take place, especially after a few years of marriage; however, spouses should not become so "comfortable" with their lifestyle that they give up spontaneity altogether.

Many marriages are destroyed because the couple became so absorbed and comfortable with their routine lifestyle, that they simply stopped trying to have fun or do new things with each other.  It's possible that when one or both spouses realize that this happened to their marriage, they may feel that they are too disconnected from each other to even try to make it work.

This is a real threat affecting many marriages today, and spouses should continue to keep the relationship alive and fresh by constantly looking for a few new things or variations every once in a while.

Share your thoughts with us!

Tell us what you think of the information we shared with you.  How does it relate to you and your marriage?  Was it useful to you? Did you learn anything new?  What do you agree with?  What do you disagree with?  Is there anything you'd like to add from your personal experience?

Feel free to post your comments.  Others might benefit from your insights, insha-Allah! 

Jazzak Allah Khair.

TMB Team